tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2163335545321680832.post2897867887243005996..comments2013-06-11T04:47:40.143+09:00Comments on Intermediate Writing Spring 2013: Jungin Rhee/ Festival/ Tue 9amprofjbhhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06809066317885065503noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2163335545321680832.post-62642779007638563512013-03-25T23:52:16.648+09:002013-03-25T23:52:16.648+09:00I'd have to say your topic about the "che...I'd have to say your topic about the "cherry blossom festival" was an interesting one. The hook, where you used a song as an example, was really effective and a nice way to start the essay. How you divided the body into three parts and wrote about some aspects in relation to the festival (which I forgot to do in mine) was effective in grabbing my attention as the story went on. Besides a few grammatical errors, I think your essay was very interesting and a well-written piece of writing. Good job :)Joung Hwan Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06348858572091829418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2163335545321680832.post-62038335494577185082013-03-25T23:42:09.898+09:002013-03-25T23:42:09.898+09:001.I think the writer focused on the festival rathe...1.I think the writer focused on the festival rather than the process.<br /><br />2.The writer includes background info by mentioning Yeouido which is the most popular cherry blossom seeing sight.<br /><br />3.The author has put information, culture, her own experience in the body paragraph instead of focusing on the process.<br /><br />4.The writer mentions several times about the beauty of the festival. It would be better if she had elaborated more about the beauty for those who are not familiar with the festival.<br /><br />5.She recommended that we should visit the festival in Spring.Jong Beomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13487241574228960746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2163335545321680832.post-8276373409988722842013-03-25T10:45:03.565+09:002013-03-25T10:45:03.565+09:001. Does the essay have a thesis statement that ide...1. Does the essay have a thesis statement that identifies the process? <br />( “At first, Yeouido only celebrates for the blossom of the cherry trees, however, the size of the festival grew and lots of events are added to this.” – it shows that the festival grow much larger than before.)<br /><br />2. Does the writer include background information? <br />(Yeouido is the most famous place and it celebrates five days in first or second week of April.)<br /><br />3. Does each paragraph present a different part of the process?<br />(Not the exact process of enjoying the festival, but writer describes about the festival and the experiences.)<br /><br />4. Do the body paragraphs have any facts, definitions, or details? Tell the writer if any of these supporting details aren’t sufficient.<br />(“Also the activity which makes home-brewed liquor.” – if you explain this sentence more specifically, it would be much clear to understand.)<br /><br />5. Does the writer include an evaluation, recommendation, or warning in the conclusion?<br />(Recommendation – the writer recommend to visit Cherry Blossom Festival.)<br />HYEIN SHIMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14443926997481580957noreply@blogger.com