I want to ask you one thing. What do you think "happiness" is?
The answer for it totally depends on you. I think we cannot define what the happiness is even after we die. Why? Because each person is born and grows up in a different background in which, he or she makes his or her own belief. As a result, based on his belief, he thinks or judges things by his own standard. It also goes into the happiness. Because the standard of each person is respectively different, the extent of happiness in a similar situation can be various as well.
BUT, there is one common thing. It is that at least we all try to be happy. Then, what can make us happy in our life? In my opinion, there are three things to be happy among many things: Health, Mind control, and to love people around you more.
First, as it may sound so simple, health is very necessary for us in our daily life. For example, if we are sick, we become lethargic and powerless. Imagine that this bad condition keeps going. We would miss the time when in good condition. After that, when we become normal again, we would feel refreshed and better. Therefore, I think keeping body in good shape is basic thing to be happy.
Second, mind control is also important. For example, a person who are optimistic looks bright side even though he is faced with hard situation. What I want to say is that even though we can have positive attitude all the time, try to be optimistic as much as possible. Therefore, you can be happy by thinking about something more brightly.
Third, to love peole around you more. You cannot live alone. Whatever you do, if you are alone, you will be lonely. As a result you will not feel you are happy. I want to say "find people you love and take care of them with love." The people I mentioned can be your family, friend, someone to marry you. I think when you are with them, you can be truly happy.
I dealt with 3 things as causes of happiness.Of course, it is not only answer because as I mentioned, the standard of happiness is different. I hope you also think and make your own answers to be happy.
To Ye jee from Jieun
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this writing is that it it very clear essay, which is easy to follow with appropriate transition words.
2. Your main point seems to be that "happiness comes from health, mind control and love toward people around you."
3. I liked the way you wrote your first paragraph by asking questions to the readers.
4. I think your essay is quite clear to me.
5. I think putting more specific illustrations will enrich the piece.
I wrote this comment based on the checklist at page 75.
ReplyDelete1. I think this sentence provides a general thesis: In my opinion, there are three things to be happy among many things: Health, Mind control, and to love people around you more.
2. Each body paragraph explains well about each cause of happiness: health, mind control, and to love people around you more
3. Yes, every cause seems to be explained persuasively.
4. Connectors like 'as a result' and 'therefore' are used to show the relationship between causes and effects.
5. Not exactly restate the causes, but just mention like this: I dealt with 3 things as causes of happiness.
6. I think the conclusion of this essay includes both an evaluation and advice. The sentence, "Of course, it is not only answer because as I mentioned, the standard of happiness is different" seems an evaluation on the idea presented in this essay. And the final sentence seems to be an advice for readers.
I want to ask you one thing. What do you think "happiness" is?
ReplyDeleteThe answer for it totally depends on you. I think we cannot define what the happiness is even after we die. Why? Because each person is born and grows up in a different background in which, he or she makes his or her own belief. As a result, based on his belief, he thinks or judges things by his own standard. It also goes into the happiness. Because the standard of each person is respectively different, the extent of happiness in a similar situation can be various as well.
BUT, there is one common thing. It is that at least we all want and try to be happy. Then, what can make us happy in our life? In my opinion, there are three things to be happy among many things: health, mind control, and to love people around you more.
First, as it may sound so simple, health is very necessary for us in our daily life. For example, if we are sick, we become lethargic and powerless. Imagine that this bad condition keeps going. We would not only miss the time when in good condition but also would have difficulties in doing what we have to do. After that, when we become normal again, we would feel refreshed and better. Therefore, I think keeping body in good shape is basic thing to be happy.
Second, mind control is also important. For example, a person who are optimistic looks bright side even though he is faced with hard situation. For example, a person who are positive consider fail a new chance to start agian. But a person who has a negative attitude, after he failed, thinks that he cannot do it and finally gives up. It is the difference between optimistic mind and negative mind. What I want to say is that even though we can not have positive attitude all the time, try to be optimistic as much as possible. Therefore, you can be happy by thinking about something more brightly.
Third, to love peole around you more. You cannot live alone. Whatever you do, if you are alone, you will be lonely. As a result you will not feel you are happy. I want to say "find people you love and take care of them with love." The people I mentioned can be your family, friend, someone to marry you. I think when you are with them, you can be truly happy.
I dealt with 3 things as causes of happiness. Of course,it is not only answer because as I mentioned, the standard of happiness is different. I hope you also think and make your own answers to be happy.