A few years ago, there was a TV commercial going on starring numerous top stars. It was very unusual to star those top singers and actors at once, but there was a reason for that. They were appealing us not to download and share music and movies. It left quite fresh and heavy impression to me. Few years from then, however, people are still downloading and sharing music and movies without feeling any guilty, and it even became much easier for people to do so. Personally, I think people should stop download and share the music and movies because they are stealing the artists' properties and discouraging them at the same time.
The first reason people should cease downloading and sharing is because they are stealing the properties of the artists, which is illegal. People don't steal other's things, such as watch or cellphone, because they know it's their possessions and it's a crime. However, people naturally steal the properties of the artists by simply downloading and sharing their creations without feeling any guilty. People do so because they don't consider music and movies as someone's properties. And it's because those are invisible and intangible, which blocks people from understanding they are actually the intellectual properties of the producers. However, people should be noticed that music and movies are actually someone's property that shouldn't be invaded by them freely downloading and sharing.
Furthermore, downloading and sharing music and movies are discouraging artists to produce new things. When people download and share, they get it for free. It concludes to artists having no way to be commercially paid off for their enormous efforts they put on to their pieces. Commercial success is not everything for them. They'll feel deprivation when their creations are considered as free. They won't feel rewarded at all. Consequently, they will lose their passion and eager to come up with better works which will eventually devastate our culture.
Some people say that downloading and sharing can actually play a good role for artists because by having easier access to their works, they will have better chance to be promoted and become popular in public. Yes, it is true in some cases like Psy's "Gangnam Style", which became a global hit by the music video they posted on the Youtube. However, this can't be generalized. There are thousands artists who are producing music and movies and waiting for their chances, but only one or two actually get an opportunity to become famous by likewise promotions. In a broader perspective, thoughtlessly downloading and sharing music and movies is the fastest way to kill the artists rather than make them famous.
To sum up, downloading and sharing music and movies should be stopped because it is not very different as stealing, which is actually a crime. Also, it can discourage artists from producing good works, which will end up in devastating our culture. Nobody will reject if there is a free music or movie, but we have to think about how much effort they put on to make that single content before we download and share. We have to start to get used to paying for their effort even though it is not visible or tangible.
You have all five paragraphs each containing two thethis statements with supporting details, and also counter-argument with refutation and concession. Each body paragraphs have very clear points and good supporting details so it make your points stronger and easy to understand. Especially, what I like from your essay is that your hook sentences are very strong. it really makes me want to read your writing. !
ReplyDeleteFrom Yujin Song
ReplyDelete1. Yes, it has five paragraphs.
2. Yes.
3. Yes, each body paragraphs includes topic sentences. They supports the thesis statement well.
4. Yes, it has a concession and a refutation. The writer states the general thinking of people and agrees at some point, and then shows the opposite opinion.
5. Yes, details support topic sentences well. Also, examples like Gangnam Style help understand the essay.
6. Yes, it restates the thesis statement and gives a suggestion to readers.
7. I agree with your point and I like your supportive details. But I think you can state your thesis statement in a stronger tone. I think you don't have to use "personally" or "I think" and just say "People should~."
A few years ago, there was a TV commercial starring numerous top stars. It was very unusual to star those top singers and actors at once, but there was a reason for that. They were appealing us not to download and share their music and movies. It left quite fresh and heavy impression on me, with an alert what everyone is doing isn’t right. Few years from then, however, people are still downloading and sharing music and movies without any guilty, and it even became much easier for people to do so. Personally, I think people should stop downloading and sharing the music and movies because they are stealing the artists' properties and discouraging them at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThe first reason people should cease downloading and sharing is because they are stealing the properties of the artists, which is illegal. People don't steal other's properties, such as watch or cellphone, because they know it's their possessions and it's a crime. However, it is ordinary for people to steal the properties of the artists by simply downloading and sharing their creations without any guilty. It’s because they don't consider music and movies as someone's properties. The reason they don’t consider those as properties is because those are invisible and intangible, which blocks people from understanding they are actually the intellectual properties of the producers. However, it should be noticed that actually music and movies are also someone's property that shouldn't be invaded by them freely downloading and sharing.
Furthermore, downloading and sharing music and movies are discouraging artists to produce new things. When people download and share, they get it for free. It concludes to artists having no way to be commercially paid off for their enormous efforts they put on to their pieces. In addition, no earning means less invest on their next project because they simply are in short of money to invest on the new project, which will eventually make hard for them to make better quality of pieces. Moreover, it goes beyond the commercial success. They'll feel deprivation when their creations are considered as free and won't feel rewarded at all. Inevitably, they will be discouraged to challenge on the next project. Consequently, they will lose their passion and eager to come up with better works which will eventually devastate our culture.
Some people say that downloading and sharing can actually be helpful for artists because by making people to have easier access to their works, they will have better chances to be promoted and become popular in public. Yes, it is true in some cases like Psy's "Gangnam Style", which became a global hit by the music video they posted on the Youtube. However, this can't be generalized. There are thousands artists who are producing music and movies and waiting for their chances, but only one or two actually get an opportunity to become famous by likewise promotions. In a broader perspective, thoughtlessly downloading and sharing music and movies is the fastest way to kill the artists rather than make them famous.
To sum up, downloading and sharing music and movies should be stopped because it is not very different as stealing, which is actually a crime. Also, it can discourage artists from producing good works, which will end up in devastating our culture. Nobody will reject if there is a free music or movie, but we have to think about how much effort they put on to make that single content before we download and share. We have to start to get used to paying for their effort even though it is not visible or tangible.