Monday, May 20, 2013

Hyein Shim/ classification essay/ tue 9am

By airplane, visiting all around the world because of business meeting is what I dreamed about my future. In the morning, wake up with sweet music and have delicious breakfast in my fancy room. In the afternoon, go other countries to have business meeting by airplane. And have a party with them in the evening. These are my dreaming schedule. I don't know what kind of job I want yet, but I want a job which can travel all over the world.

 

           From middle school student, I always wanted to be a diplomat. At that time, I knew that diplomat is the only job that can visit the other countries. So I read many books about diplomat, and also about Ban Ki-moon who is the Secretary-General of the United Nations. With these books, I dreamed of diplomat and also dreamed of the world.

 

           When I was in high school, I watched a television documentary about world food. I really enjoyed that even though I hated watching documentary before because I thought documentary things are so boring. And suddenly I thought I want to be a documentary producer. A producer can create interesting program and most important thing is producer can also travel all over the world. When I thought about this, I was really thrilled.

 

           Also, I like English. Because I want to study English more, I entered Hankuk University of Foreign Studies and major in English Interpretation and Translation. I didn't thought about being an interpreter or translator, but as I keep studying about my major, I realize that these jobs are really great. If I have these jobs, I can make money with English which I like, also I can travel the world when I have to interpret in other countries.

 

           I thought I can be a teenager forever, but now I am 21 already. I don't know what kind of job will fit me, and also what kind of things I can do well. But one thing is clear. I really want to enjoy my life with traveling all different countries. With this dream in my mind, I will keep going and do my best in my everyday life.

2 comments:

  1. To Hyein Shim from Minah Lee

    1. Does the introduction include backgrund information about the topic?
    -> Somewhat not clearly.

    2. Does the thesis statement have a unifying principle?
    -> I believe that there should be more details and main sentence clarifying the point.

    3. Does each body paragraph include a distinct category?
    -> Yes, it has some distinction among three of them.

    4. Are the supporting details for each paragraph sufficient?
    -> Yes.

    5. Does the conclusion restate the three categories?
    -> No.

    6. Is there advice, a prediction, or a general statement in the conclusion?
    -> There is a prediction and her opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  2. To Hyein Shim from Jong Beom Cho

    1. Does the introduction include backgrund information about the topic?
    -> It includes a lifestyle of a diplomat and but does not really describe what the job actually does. Maybe this was intentional since it is introduction but I didn't really expect diplomat to come out in the second paragraph. I was expecting a business woman or saleswoman. I think you should try to link the introduction with the second paragraph by giving more information.

    2. Does the thesis statement have a unifying principle?
    -> Thesis statement was not very clear. Because it was not that clear the essay sounds more like a personal journal. I think ideas were good. There should be some binding sentence to put the ideas together.

    3. Does each body paragraph include a distinct category?
    -> It sounds more like personal preference. I think you should try to generalize them so that they will go into distinct categories.

    4. Are the supporting details for each paragraph sufficient?
    -> Sufficient but if there were something more than personal experience, it could have been more interesting.

    5. Does the conclusion restate the three categories?
    -> No.

    6. Is there advice, a prediction, or a general statement in the conclusion?
    -> She ends by predicting her future career path.

    ReplyDelete