200900252 Geonwoong Kim
TV: Could you do without it?
TV is one of the basic furniture we come up when it comes to depicting a typical home. Once it was the most common and influential threshold of mass media, providing easy way to the news and their entertainments, but with appearance of the Internet, and mobile platforms, its influence is waning day by day.
By providing an easy way to access recent news, TV made people gather around instead of reading a newspaper. The Internet, however, is taking its place. Internet now can provide all sorts of news in a page, and moreover, it can deliver a certain information the reader wants to read. The spread of mobile platforms and their rapid network are making it even easier.
TV's entertainment contents also the way it gained its influence and popularity, but just like the news, the contents TV is producing are spreading immediately through the Internet and mobile network. If the concept of TV includes its contents thoroughly, it would be hard to be absolutely detached from it, but in terms of watching TV, nowadays it's far less necessary.
I like in your essay that you have good and clear facts about necessity and usage of TV. I got your main point that in our progressive world TV is losing its value and the internet has replaced it. But it will improve your essay if you share a little bit more about your personal experience with TV and your opinion about it, then support it with facts which you have. Wish you luck:)
ReplyDeleteTo Geonwoong Kim from Minah Lee
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you brought up some major changes in .
2. Your main point seems that you can live without if it means just the act of watching TV.
3. If the concept of TV includes its contents thoroughly, it would be hard to be absolutely detached from it, but in terms of watching TV, nowadays it's far less necessary.
: I like this sentence because it clearly shows your opinion with the exact meaning of it.
4. an easy way to access recent news
:Need improving because
This could be better to express as 'an easy access to recent news' by using a simple expression.
5.The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to write a conclusion that summerizes the body points.