In some cases, TV can be a useful channel to get the information for one's need. Still, there are too many choices of what to see, what information to pick. But, nowadays, we can get much information from the internet, and there's the information on the internet, even including the same one on the TV and even more! So I've seen TV not much.
Even if there's no TV, there's no problem to me. There're many ways to get fun, information, and even motivation. I know TV is just one of the ways to see the world. No TV means that I can't touch the world. World is everywhere! I can go inside the internet and also outside of home, school, or elsewhere I'm around. Actually, I'm not such a passionate person, though; maybe I'd just sit and read a book, surf the internet, or listen to some music, etc. And I can also enjoy walking and getting the feeling of images from the scenery itself.
I think it's good of me to know how to spend the time on my own. So, I can do without TV, like already now I'm doing.
to Park Hyunbae from Ahn Sangwook
ReplyDeleteI’m sure that you have the same idea with mine. You can also live without TV by choosing other options like reading a book, and surfing the internet. While reading your writing, the most impressive sentence is: No TV means that I can’t touch the world, because the line is very fresh to me. If I were you, I might use the word “meet” like “come to HUFS, meet the world.” However, I found an unclear sentence: …and also outside of internet. Except for this, your writing is literally good! (maybe I’m the only one who thinks the sentence is ambiguous.)
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DeleteThanks for your reply!
DeleteOh.. now I could find my some mistakes.. and especially the sentence you choose("No TV means that I can't touch the world") is totally contrary to my intention..TT Actually the sentence must be "No TV doesn't mean that ~~~" lol
Anyway thank you for your comment!
To (Park Hynbae) From (Hyein Shim)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is
(Your explanation about why you don’t really need TV with your everyday life – “ I'd just sit and read a book, surf the internet, or listen to some music, etc.”)
2. Your main point seems to be
(You don’t need TV because you can get the information not just with TV but through the internet. Also you are not enjoying TV that much.)
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(“I think it's good of me to know how to spend the time on my own.” – Because this is the same idea that I thought. So it draws my attention.)
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
(“There're many ways to get fun, information, and even motivation.”- You wrote “many ways” but you didn’t show the ways. I think it could be better if you give some examples.)
Thank you for your comment! And it makes me more clearly recognize how I wrote and what was needed for that!
Delete